Ah, the holidays! It’s the time of year when many single adults are more intensely aware of their singleness, especially if they’re not in a relationship.
Often there’s that awkward question from prying relatives at holiday gatherings: “So, why are you still single?” Or, you don’t have a date for your company Christmas party and the “plus one” on the online invitation blinks incessantly at you like tree lights gone awry.
For some, the holiday season—from Thanksgiving through New Year’s Eve—exaggerates feelings of loneliness that have been simmering all year long. Suddenly everyone seems to have a significant other by their side and you feel alone.
A friend of mine said she misses someone with whom she can share the activities of the season—like watching Christmas movies, going to holiday parties, or attending Christmas church events.
Another friend said she feels an ache in her heart when the pastor closes the Christmas Eve service with an admonishment to “Go and spend time with your families.” And she thinks, “Yeah, thanks, but I don’t have one.”
Of course, some have their family of origin—parents and siblings—with whom they gather for Thanksgiving or Christmas. But for many singles the cost to travel over the holidays is unaffordable. Or, they don’t get along with their family members, or for whatever other reasons they choose to stay home.
Recently, a guy I know said that he couldn’t wait until the holidays were over. He’s just trying to endure the season. I get it. It’s not always easy to see happy couples kissing under the mistletoe or walking arm in arm down a snowy sidewalk, laughing all the way to who knows where.
This time of year can stir up strong emotions.
Many single adults have unrealized dreams of having a spouse and a family. And the feelings of longing seem to be heightened. You may wonder, “Where’s my husband to snuggle with by the fire, or where are my rosy-cheeked kids to go sledding with?”
I hear you.
Is there a way to enjoy the holidays, and not just endure them?
I believe there is, and it begins with a change in perspective. Instead of bemoaning your singleness, you can make new choices.
Certainly, you may feel sad or lonely this time of year, and you have a right to your emotions. But don’t stay stuck in your sadness. Feel the pain, ask God to mend your heart, and then move forward with hope, allowing God to heal you in His own way and perfect timing. Indeed, there is a time to grieve. But there’s also a time to wipe away the tears, get up, and go build some new Christmas memories. Oftentimes, joy returns and new hope arises.
Here are some ideas to consider to help you find joy during the holidays despite your relationship status:
Choose your attitude. Decide ahead of time that you will enjoy the season. You can choose joy. Pay attention to what is good and happy around you. Reduce negativity by filing your mind with positive thoughts and God’s truth. You may want to look up Bible verses about “joy” and post them on your mirror or in another place where you’ll see them.
Connect with others. Seek out social activities with family and friends. If your family is not available, find other connections where you can. My single friend Denise has often hosted Christmas Day dinner for singles who have no place to go for the holiday.
Create new traditions. You may want to start a new holiday activity, such as baking cookies, watching a favorite Christmas movie, or grabbing holiday brunch with a friend. Or, you could throw a party. I know someone who hosts a Friend’s Thanksgiving Dinner the week before the actual holiday. That way single friends can gather and celebrate before going home to their family celebrations, if they have them.
Serve others. Doing things for others brings joy—not only to those you help, but also to you! Even sharing a friendly “hello” with your coffee barista or dry cleaning clerk can bring a smile to someone else. Some singles I know sing Christmas carols at a local nursing home or volunteer at a soup kitchen to help those in need who are often forgotten.
Do something special for yourself. Consider trying that new restaurant you’ve had your eye on. Yes, it’s okay to have dinner out alone. Or, get out of town. A change of scenery may be just what you need—like a trip to one of your favorite places, or explore a new destination. Another idea is to stay home and enjoy the peace and quiet. Practicing gratitude—by writing in a journal or talking to God in prayer—also brings peace and new perspective. Or, the beauty of nature may be beckoning you to get outdoors and take a walk or hike.
Draw near to the reason for the season. Most importantly, take time to reflect on the true meaning of Christmas. It helps to refocus attention away from self and onto our Savior. Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. The best gift ever. The Son of God came to earth as an infant child for you—and for me. He came to save, forgive, and teach us how to truly live. (Read Matthew 1 and Luke 2.) Remember with wonder and awe the love that changes everything, and the comfort, peace, and hope that Jesus brings to each one of us.
May God fill your heart with JOY during the holiday season and throughout the year.
Jackie M. Johnson is an author and blogger who writes inspiring content on growing a better life, the power of prayer, and encouragement for singles. Jackie has a heart to encourage single adults of all ages, and she has led numerous small groups and Bible studies for singles. Her books include the breakup recovery guide, When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty, Power Prayers for Women, and Praying with Power When Life Gets Tough. Connect with Jackie at JackieJohnsonCreative.com.