A survey finding from Covenant Eyes indicated that 93% of boys view online porn before they reach the age of 18 (62% for girls). To say that porn is pervasive in our culture is a gross understatement. While I could easily quote numerous studies that show the life-long destructive effects of porn on men and women, I don't need to. I've personally witnessed enough marriages and families that have been ripped apart by pornography to know how damaging its effects can be. Yet, it doesn't need to be this way.
Men, one of the greatest ways to communicate your love and devotion to your wife is to say "NO" to pornography, and I mean all types of porn—both the so-called "soft porn" and the "hard-core" porn that is easily accessible online. By saying no to pornography, you fulfill your marriage vow to honor your wife. However, saying no to pornography is not just for married men. Sadly, most boys defile their marriage beds before they are old enough to drive a car. This is a massive issue for boys, teens, and men (not to say it's not an issue for our girls and women).
Over the past two decades in family ministry, I've met only a few men that haven't struggled with pornography in some way. When I think about it, I've only met one man (that I believe) who told me it wasn't a problem for him. So, if you're a wife and/or a mom with a teen son reading this blog, know this: Your husband and/or son(s) have or are likely struggling with this issue. I'm not writing this to scare you. It's a reality, and we must do something about it.
Men—Here are 5 reasons why we need to say NO to pornography (the list could easily be longer, especially if I asked our wives to contribute):
1. Viewing pornography devalues your wife.
This should be a no-brainer for every man out there. When we intentionally view porn and/or women in little to no clothing, we tell our wives they're not good enough for us. Regardless of how we may try to rationalize or tell our wives otherwise, our actions speak loudest. Bottom line—we're finding pleasure in women other than our wives. How else do we expect them to feel?
2. Viewing pornography robs your wife of your complete devotion (which she deserves).
For most men (if not all), pornography is a sexual experience. There are amazing biological aspects and sexual emotions tied to it—and that's why it's so addictive. Yet, my sexual passion and emotional intimacy accompanying sex are meant only for one other person—my wife. This is God's design. When a man decides only to have eyes for his wife and covenants with God do so, the intimacy between that man and his wife will grow exponentially.
3. Viewing pornography will adversely impact your children.
No man is an island, and there is no sin committed that doesn't impact those around us. Our marriages are foundational anchors for our children. Pornography will always cause this anchor to be set adrift. Our kids will find out one way or another that we're choosing self-gratification over loving our wives and families as we should. By viewing pornography, we're willingly putting our kids at risk of following in our footsteps and laying a broken foundation for their lives. Do we want this for our sons and daughters?
4. By viewing pornography, you are committing a form of adultery.
Jesus stated simply, "...everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). There's no way to sugarcoat this poison. Viewing porn is like dancing with the devil—you will get burned. This is not to say that we will never "lust" at another woman for the rest of our lives. However, when we sense our mind is heading down this forbidden road, we must stop ourselves. Our walk with God, our marriage, and our family are at stake. When tempted, I quickly turn to God and remind myself that this marriage is ultimately a covenant He has established. It's about glorifying Him, and I must do everything I can to protect it. Here's the best part. Within God's marriage covenant, there is total provision and protection. As I cling to God and my wife, God will pull us together and grow our love for each other—the way it was meant to be.
5. Viewing pornography weakens your relationship with God.
As a Christian, this is the biggest reason I want to avoid any temptation to view pornography or look at another woman (romantically or sexually). To look at pornography is a sin against my Savior. God's word also indicates that a pattern of unconfessed sin will adversely impact my relationship with Him. As a Christian husband and father, my relationship with God needs to define who I am and how I live. If Christ calls me to offer my body as a living sacrifice—as an act of worship (Romans 12:1), certainly this includes how I uphold the sacred covenant of marriage.
These five reasons hold true for every married man. They also apply to our boys, teens, and single men. Whatever you do before marriage will be carried into this divinely-designed oneness relationship. Men, we reap what we sow. Regardless of your marital status or age, porn will warp your life and the relationships around you.
It's high time we declare an all-out war against this devastating nemesis, and we can't stop our assault against it until it's gone. Our wives and children need to know we will go to battle for them. God would have it no other way.
If porn has gotten the better of you, make it right today. Seek forgiveness from God and your wife and get help. Commit to your wife to only have eyes for her, and take the time to write it out in your own words. Give it to her and then do whatever it takes to live it out one day at a time. This is where prayer and accountability are essential. Jesus, your Savior, will see you through this.
Check out filtering systems for movies, like Vidangel and Clearplay. They both work great. Look to God to show you the way and find some men to walk this path with you. You won't regret it.
Check out this great resource page from Covenant Eyes.