Question: You mentioned the relationship between self-esteem and one’s physical body. I have never felt beautiful or even attractive to the opposite sex. Does this explain why I am extremely modest, even being ashamed to be seen in a bathing suit?
Answer: Modesty has three basic origins. First, it is built into our fallen human nature. After sinning in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve's eyes "were opened and they knew that they were naked: and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons." To a varying degree within the descendants of Adam, we have inherited this same sensitivity about our bodies. The current trend toward public nudity goes cross-grained to this nature and requires some "getting used to" by those who first try it. I overheard a vacuous girl sitting near me in a cafeteria recently, as she described her sexual experience to her companions. She spoke in loud, unguarded tones about her attempted "changeover" from a heterosexual to a homosexual status. "I still feel a bit strange walking around nude in front of my friends," she said, "but I'm trying to get used to it." Her conscience and her God-given modesty were obviously being violated by the "mod" attitudes she was trying to adopt. I fear she will pay a heavy price for the avant garde ideas she has been sold.
Second, modesty is a product of early home life. Those who were taught to conceal themselves compulsively in front of other family members usually carry that excessive modesty even into their marital relationships. It can turn legitimate sexual experiences into a self-conscious obligation.
The third source of extreme modesty is the one you mentioned, and it is probably the most powerful. Those who are ashamed of their bodies are highly motivated to conceal them. One of the greatest fears among junior high students is that they will have to disrobe and shower in front of their peers. Boys and girls alike are terrified by the possibility of ridicule for their lack of development (or precociousness). This embarrassment is often retained in the adult years with feelings of inferiority stamped all over it. For example, a very common reaction among women who feel unattractive is the insistence of having sexual relations in the dark. They are often extremely inflexible on this matter, even though their husbands are visually oriented and prefer to look while they love. This simple difference in viewpoints has undoubtedly been argued in a million bedrooms.
Incidentally, medical examinations are extremely distasteful for those who bear this kind of modesty. Even for those who are less sensitive about their bodies, a routine "physical" can be murder. Who hasn't felt a bit strange carrying a urine specimen through a crowded waiting room, or felt like Lady Godiva sitting side saddle on an examining table?
From Dr. James Dobson’s book What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women. Chapter 3, question 10.
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