By Dr. James Dobson
I will never forget the first Valentine’s Day of my marriage, six months after Shirley and I walked down the aisle. It was something of a disaster. I had gone to the USC library that morning and spent eight or ten hours poring over dusty books and journals. It had slipped my mind completely that it was February 14.
By JT Waresak
Wives, don’t let your husbands kid you. Even if a man doesn’t deserve respect or act like he wants it from his wife, it is something he desperately desires. Every man wants to be his wife’s knight in shining armor and needs to know that you value him as a man.
Having been involved in family ministry for over 10 years, I have walked alongside many men struggling with some form of pornography. I can count on one hand the men that I’ve known that truly are not tempted and don’t struggle with the unabashed access we now have to online nudity. In this sense, it is true that most men, and this includes Christian men, are tempted to look at pornography when it is literally one click away.
Fatherhood in America is on a pathway toward destruction. Yet, if we know the why we can resolve to do something about it. We can be the generation that turns this thing around.
There is still no substitute for the biblical prescription for marriage, nor will its wisdom ever be replaced. A successful husband and wife relationship begins with the attitude of the man; he has been ordained by God as the head of the family, and the responsibility for its welfare rests upon his shoulders. This charge can be found in the early writings of Moses in the Old Testament, returning at least 5000 years into Jewish history.
Question: Dr. Dobson, would you be more specific about the relationship between the sexes? Am I to assume you do not favor a fifty-fifty arrangement in the husband-wife interaction?
There are a number of things our wives consistently need from us as husbands to make a great and lasting marriage. You would think that after 25 years of marriage I would have these principles embedded within my brain and heart. I don't know if it's a "me-thing" or a "guy-thing," but I still need to be reminded to refocus on these things on a regular basis.
One key to building trust is to take great care not to hurt or embarrass those we love. Some information is private and should remain so. For one partner to reveal family secrets indiscriminately or to verbalize barely concealed put-downs breaks the couple’s bond of loyalty and violates trust.
Isn’t it curious how in the midst of a nasty family argument we can shake out of the bad mood the instant the telephone rings or a neighbor knocks on the door?
Question: Dr. Dobson, I've always thought a man should be willing to work and sacrifice to reach his goals. Now you're saying to cool the passion and postpone the dream. That isn't the way I was taught.
Most Americans maintain a "priority list" of things to purchase when enough money has been saved. It is my conviction that domestic help for the mother of small children should appear on that priority list. Without it, she is sentenced to the same responsibility day in and day out, seven days a week–unable to escape the unending burden of dirty diapers, runny noses, and unwashed dishes.
Question: Dr. Dobson, are you suggesting that women should seek to meet some of their emotional needs outside of marriage?
Question: Dr. Dobson, my wife will not respond to me sexually unless the circumstances are just right. It isn't enough for us to just enjoy each other physically. I have to talk to her and spend time with her before we even go to bed or else she is disinterested. Are other women like this?
Demographers and attorneys tell us that something dramatic is happening to the baby-boomer generation, which is now averaging nearly sixty years of age. They will soon inherit more than $10.4 trillion as their parents pass from the scene. It will be the greatest transfer of wealth in the history of the world. The question is, how will they handle this sudden affluence?
When married persons find themselves hurtling relentlessly toward a divorce, they sometimes turn to marriage counselors, ministers, psychologists and psychiatrists to stem the tide...but it may be inadequate to save a dying marriage. Why? Because the counsel is directed at surface issues.
Whether a few days, weeks, or months after the wedding, something begins to happen to “that lovin’ feeling.” A man and woman just seem to lose the wind in their romantic sails. It does not always occur, but too often it does.
In an effort to draw on the experiences of those who have lived together successfully as husbands and wives, we asked married couples to participate in an informal study. More than six hundred people agreed to speak candidly about the concepts and methods that have worked in their homes. The advice is not new, but it's a great place to begin.
Question: Dr. Dobson, with regards to my spouse’s bad behavior, I have been taught by Christian leaders who say as believers, "We have no rights." If I understand what they say, I should not even notice instances of disrespect because I have no right to be defended. Do you disagree?
Some men will never be able to meet the needs of their wives. They don't understand how women think and have never been required to "give" to anyone. Those who are married to these unromantic and noncommunicative men must decide what is reasonable to expect and how they can forge a meaningful life together.
In previous generations, some people believed women were not supposed to enjoy sex. Even today some Christians still feel that sex between marital partners is somehow sinful or "dirty." But there's nothing biblical about either viewpoint.
Use Chrome? Here's the RSS extension
Additional Posts
The Voices of the Family Blogs
Read All Here
"What's Trending"
Why Women Need Female Friends
5 Truths for True Love in Your Marriage
Do Relationships Outside Our Marriage Matter?
Opinions presented in blog content on DrJamesDobson.org are solely those of the author. Blog content may only be reprinted or republished with the express written permission of the author and Family Talk.
All information presented on blog(s) is for entertainment purposes only. Neither the author nor Family Talk is providing medical, legal or other professional advice. You are reading and/or using blog content at your own risk. Please contact us if you have questions.