By Dr. James Dobson
In an effort to draw on the experiences of those who have lived together successfully as husbands and wives, we asked married couples to participate in an informal study. More than six hundred people agreed to speak candidly about the concepts and methods that have worked in their homes. The advice is not new, but it's a great place to begin.
Question: Dr. Dobson, with regards to my spouse’s bad behavior, I have been taught by Christian leaders who say as believers, "We have no rights." If I understand what they say, I should not even notice instances of disrespect because I have no right to be defended. Do you disagree?
Some men will never be able to meet the needs of their wives. They don't understand how women think and have never been required to "give" to anyone. Those who are married to these unromantic and noncommunicative men must decide what is reasonable to expect and how they can forge a meaningful life together.
In previous generations, some people believed women were not supposed to enjoy sex. Even today some Christians still feel that sex between marital partners is somehow sinful or "dirty." But there's nothing biblical about either viewpoint.
Some years ago, in an effort to draw on the experiences of those who have lived together harmoniously as husbands and wives, we asked married couples to participate in an informal study. More than six hundred people agreed to speak candidly about the concepts and methods that have succeeded in their homes for thirty, forty, or even fifty years.
What are the mysterious ingredients that almost all good marriages have in common? What accounts for the marvelous blending of personalities when two separate and distinct individuals establish a young family and then live together in love and in harmony for the next fifty or sixty years? Is anything of significance know about these long-term marriages that will help others achieve stability in a world of impermanence?
We turn our attention now to the relationship between husbands and wives, which reminds me of a telephone call I received recently from a man who had read my previous book The Strong-Willed Child. It did not answer his questions. Furthermore, he said he had read my earlier book What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women, and it didn't satisfy his needs, either.
The Greek translation for the word encouragement is parakletos, which literally means "called alongside to help." It brings to mind the scriptural image of two people yoked side by side, as when Jesus said, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me. . . . For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:29–30).
Do you think women need men more than men need women? Which sex copes best when living without the other? That very interesting question is addressed by the brilliant social commentator George Gilder in his classic book Men and Marriage. Gilder acknowledges that men and women were designed for each other and often feel incomplete alone.
The sexes are designed with highly specific—but quite different—psychological needs. Each is vulnerable to the other in unique ways. When reduced to the basics, women need men to be romantic, caring, and loving. Men need women to be respectful, supportive, and loyal.
By Julie Clinton
I pushed him away and slammed the door, making it very clear to Tim that the flowers he just brought me were not what I wanted. With a despondent yet agitated look on his face, he turned around and threw the flowers on the floor. They were Tim’s gesture at a peace offering for a fight we’d just had. Instead of accepting it, I overreacted, causing him to do the same. We had a wonderful “in the Spirit” together, if you know what I mean.
Question: Dr. Dobson, as a woman, I'm interested in how your description of men and women applies to my relationship with my husband. Would I be correct in assuming that he needs me in ways that I may not have fully understood?
It is high time you realized that your wives are under attack today! Everything they have been taught from earliest childhood is being subjected to ridicule and scorn. Hardly a day passes when the traditional values of the Judeo-Christian heritage are not blatantly mocked and undermined.
Question: Dr. Dobson, can you be more specific regarding the differences in sexual desire and preferences between males and females? Since I'm getting married next July, I would like to know how my future husband's need will differ from my own. Could you summarize the major distinctions that will occur between us?
I would like to offer some evidence to show that men and women are biologically unique. The women's movement, in its assault on traditional sex roles, has repeatedly asserted that males and females are identical except for the ability to bear children. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
By JT Waresak
As husbands and fathers, we need to go to battle for our wives and daughters by living on the front line with them and help them redefine beauty. With great intentionality, we need to daily communicate a much larger vision of what beauty really means.
By Rebecca Hagelin
As technology dominates communication, even within families, married couples have fewer natural opportunities to set a positive, truly romantic example for teens, young adults, and singles of all ages. Young people today simply don't get a peek at marital romance in ways that teens did in the past.
Shaunti Feldhahn interviewed more than 1,000 men prior to writing her book For Women Only. Though it was no surprise that the interviews revealed that men desire more sex, what was surprising was why.
A recent statistic from Covenant Eyes indicated that 93% of boys will view online porn before they reach the age of 18 (62% for girls). While I could easily quote numerous studies that show the life-long destructive effects of porn on men and women, I don’t need to. I’ve personally witnessed enough marriages and families that have been ripped apart by pornography to know how damaging its effects can be. Yet, it doesn’t need to be this way.
The best way of keeping a marriage healthy is to maintain a system of mutual accountability, with the context of love. Speaking personally, the secret of my beautiful relationship with Shirley has involved a careful protection of the "line of respect" between us. This is a difficult concept to convey and its function is different from one personality to another. Perhaps by explaining how it operates between Shirley and me, I can help the reader adapt the principle to his own circumstances.
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