By JT Waresak
We live during an era that is attempting to redefine what the greatness of manhood looks like. Our boys and girls live in a state of gender confusion when it comes to the role distinctiveness between males and females. How then can a man pursue greatness within his manhood role if he fails to grasp what truly makes a man a man, or worse yet, he is constantly apologizing for his manliness?
Having been involved in family ministry for over 10 years, I have walked alongside many men struggling with some form of pornography. I can count on one hand the men that I’ve known that truly are not tempted and don’t struggle with the unabashed access we now have to online nudity. In this sense, it is true that most men, and this includes Christian men, are tempted to look at pornography when it is literally one click away.
By Dr. James Dobson
A difficult day can quickly lead to an unnecessarily heated exchange between spouses. Fatigue, problems with the kids or job, illness, or financial worries can make anyone more susceptible to a fight. So can the condition I call "differing assumptions."
Husband, we’re speaking especially to you tonight. Just as selfishness is a sure marriage killer, an attitude of service and sacrifice–the “I’m Third” philosophy–is an indisputable marriage builder. We urge you to study your wife. What is it that speaks to her heart?
If sex is important in a marriage, and we all know that it is, then some time should be reserved for its expression. The day's working activities should end early in the evening, permitting a husband and wife to retire before exhausting themselves on endless chores and responsibilities. Remember this: whatever is put at the bottom of your priority list will probably be done inadequately. For too many families, sex languishes in last place.
Question: Dr. Dobson, my husband is somewhat insensitive to my needs, but I believe he is willing to do better if I can teach him how I am different from him. Can you help me communicate my needs to him effectively?
By Rebecca Hagelin
My daughter Kristin and I are laughing, crying, and reminiscing our way through the practical preparations for her upcoming wedding. She's marrying a wonderful young man, and my husband and I feel confident that these two young adults will create a strong family together; rich in faith, love, and commitment. So it was particularly sad for me to read a recent Slate article on Dutch women, who scorn marriage as a relic of times gone by. The article's author, NYU professor Katie Roiphe, wrote that she realized during a recent visit to Amsterdam that "having children and not being married was not a big deal…The Dutch attitude…is that marriage is not for everyone; it is a personal choice, an option, a pleasant possibility."
But there’s something you have to do if you are to create a healthier culture and build a grounded, courageous and fulfilled family. It’s one of the most important things you can do because it provides a steady force, a place of comfort for your children in a harsh world, and more joy for you than you could ever imagine.
While we are talking about relationships, there is another issue we should discuss. It concerns the sheer power of words. They are so easy to utter, often tumbling out without much reason or forethought. Those who hurl criticism or hostility at others may not even mean or believe what they have said. Their comments may reflect momentary jealousy, resentment, depression, fatigue, or revenge. Regardless of the intent, harsh words sting like killer bees. Almost all of us, including you and me, have lived through moments when a parent, a teacher, a friend, a colleague, a husband, or a wife said something that cut to the quick. That hurt is now...
Conflict can often play a positive role in marriage—especially when it helps maintain lines of respect. Suppose I work at my office two hours later than usual on a particular night. I know that Shirley is preparing a candlelight dinner, yet I don’t call to let her know I’ll be late.
For the man who appreciates the willingness of his wife to stand against the tide of public opinion–staying at home–it is about time you gave her some help. I'm not merely suggesting that you wash the dishes or sweep the floor. I'm referring to the provision of emotional support...of conversation...of making her feel like a lady...of taking her out to dinner...of telling her that you love her.
Women who feel isolated and lonely often look to their husbands to satisfy what has been called their "soul hunger." It is a role men have never handled very well. I doubt if farmers came in from the fields one hundred years ago to have heart-to-heart talks with their wives.
The art of communication doesn't come naturally to most of us. Some folks just don't like to talk much. Others talk incessantly without ever really saying anything. But when it comes to marriage, communication is one of the keys to intimacy.
Let’s face it: Sex is a topic on the mind of just about every husband and wife. (Some wives claim their husbands think of nothing else!) The physical union of man and woman is one of the most pleasurable and meaningful aspects of marriage.
We all have big plans and want to be successful for our families. However, things happen and life doesn’t always turn out the way we thought it would. For many men, it’s times like these that too often define our identity, and the passion we once had for our families begins to fade. Yet it doesn’t need to be this way, and for most men, they don’t want to see this happen.
While there are countless scenarios why our wives may lose hope and want to give up from time to time, here are three that I’ve seen personally on a regular basis in my own marriage and the married couples I know.
By Dr. Tim Clinton & Patrick Springle
“I’d die without you.” “You make me whole.” “Without you, I’d be hopelessly lost.” “You define me.” These phrases may sound charming, but this kind of “love” can actually be very destructive. In the name of “love,” it’s easy to put up with all kinds of craziness. To make excuses. To ignore reality.
The excitement of love is like nothing else in human experience. A couple enters into a kind of ecstasy that is almost indescribable. "This is it!" They've found the perfect human being. They want to be together twenty-four hours a day—to take walks in the rain and sit by the fire and kiss and cuddle. Hooray for love! What too few couples know, unfortunately, is that this exhilarating feeling NEVER lasts very long. As with other temporary moods and feelings, it is destined from the beginning to swing down from that high and hit the skids. It is absolutely inevitable!
The Bible places great emphasis on prayer. We read many examples of how important prayer was to Jesus (Luke 5:16). We are taught that prayer should be for God’s benefit and not to gain favor in the eyes of men (Matthew 6:5–6), and that we need not use “many words” in an attempt to impress Him (v. 7). We are even given examples of the words we should use (vv. 9–13).
We have discussed the importance of being intentional about investing time in your spouse. Of equal importance is attitude. An attitude of service and sacrifice—the “I’m Third” philosophy—is an indisputable marriage builder.
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