By Sharon May, Ph.D. and Alan Hart, MS, MAT
What kind of marriage do you have? One filled with life stressors? Are you so different you wonder if you should be together? Always conflictual? Or disconnected living parallel lives? We all marry with the hopes of carving out a good life with our spouse. We don't envision being unhappy in our marriage. Yet, at one time or another, for whatever reasons, all couples will go through hardships in their life and marriage.
By Dr. James and Shirley Dobson
A husband arrived home from work and found the washing machine spewing out suds, the refrigerator on the fritz, and crushed cereal nuggets scattered in every room. His three-year-old had the chicken pox, his eight- and ten-year-old boys complained of upset stomachs, and the baby was covered head to toe with melted chocolate chips. In the middle of this disaster scene was his wife, who managed a weary smile and muttered, “Welcome home.”
By Dr. James Dobson
Flip Wilson once said, "If I had my entire life to live over, I doubt if I'd have the strength." There must be many women who agree with him, for Fatigue and Time Pressure rank as the second most frequent cause for depression among those completing my questionnaire. As I have journeyed across the United States, from the metropolitan centers to the farms of Iowa, I have found extremely busy people running faster and faster down the road to exhaustion. We have become a nation of huffers and puffers, racing through the day and moonlighting into the night. Even our recreation is marked by this breakneck pace.
The Christmas season isn't supposed to be disappointing. But it often is! Around every corner are sights of nativity scenes, Christmas trees, Santa's reindeers and the smells of cinnamon and pine cones. Christmas is near. But so are family gatherings, parties and presents. And these are all set-ups for disappointments.
Christmas can be a joyful holiday, but for many couples, it is the most difficult one. Christmas often triggers conflict, filling December days with disappointments, disagreements and disconnection.
Without a doubt, the best time of the year for shared memories is Christmas. Some of my happiest memories, both as a child and as an adult, have been rooted in the Christmas season.
How does the way we were loved and cared for growing up impact the way we get along in marriage, and even the way we parent? We were born into a family and there, in the loving arms of our first important relationships, we learned about love, life, ourselves and others. These relationships are a template for how we will love throughout our life.
How emotionally connected are you and your spouse? Is your marriage one where you feel understood, and in which arguments can be resolved? Where you trust each other with your hearts? Or instead, do you find yourselves disconnected, with resentment accumulating from unresolved conflict? Do you feel alone, even though you've been married for years?
Given all that was placed before us, Shirley did a pretty good job of preserving our family life and getting into the world of our children. But as I reflect, I can't help but ask, "Could we have found a compromise that would have permitted Shirley and me to have done even better?" I wonder.
Make a conscious effort to put four new ingredients back into your lives, beginning with pleasure. You and your wife should go on a date at least once a week, leaving children at home. Likewise, some form of sports or recreational activity should be enjoyed as a family, whether it be tennis, golf, swimming, skiing, or another option.
We really do feel that if our spouse could hear our complaints, life would be so much better. So why is it hard for our husband, or wife, to hear our complaints?
Adjusting to the changes in a family when a child gets married is often just as difficult for parents as it is for adult children. There is no textbook on how to balance between 'leaving' to establish one's own family while 'staying connected' to one's family of origin. The journey can place stress on the young couple's marriage and be a source of grief for the parents.
Often when stressed, depressed or overwhelmed with life, we isolate ourselves, cutting ourselves off from our most powerful life-giving resource: close friends. Research shows over and over again that when we have close, connected relationships in our life, we do better. We are able to manage the stress, struggles, and strains that life brings our way knowing that someone is there to listen, understand and help us get through it.
Couples in a stress-filled or difficult marriage are often working on repairing arguments and trying to use kinder ways to express their views, while couples in an emotionally destructive marriage hardly ever repair and instead live silently hurting and crushed. What is the difference between a difficult marriage and an emotionally destructive marriage? How do you know when your marriage has crossed the line and become emotionally destructive?
It is the end of the week. Finally, it's date night. Work can wait until Monday. Kids have a babysitter. It's you and your sweetie. Time to relax, talk, laugh and unwind together. Then it happens. An argument ruins the night.
Question: Dr. Dobson, can you be more specific regarding the differences in sexual desire and preferences between males and females? Since I'm getting married next July, I would like to know how my future husband's need will differ from my own. Could you summarize the major distinctions that will occur between us?
If a commitment to Christ is the foundation for a successful marriage, then daily prayer together is the steady, brick-by-brick construction that provides a safe haven for genuine intimacy.
It is my belief that feminine depression associated with the hustle and bustle of living could be reduced significantly if men comprehended and accepted the three ideas which follow.
Romance can mean vastly different things to women and men, but for most of us the word describes that wonderful feeling of being noticed, wanted, and pursued—of being at the very center of our lover’s attention.
By Dr. Tim Clinton & Patrick Springle
We all carry relational wounds. So we go through life with a skewed definition of love. Our actions are often a far cry from true love. The truth is, we may be trying to “love” the other in an attempt to satisfy our “need” for the other.
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