Authentic love sometimes means we step in to speak the truth in correcting those who have gone astray. Jesus certainly did it, and if we call ourselves his followers, we’ll learn to do it too. Jesus’ goal wasn’t to avoid hard conversations–he initiated plenty of them–but to point them to God for him to transform them and make them holy.

• “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17
• “See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” Hebrews 3:12-13
• “If your brother sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you.” Matthew 18:15

Heart to Heart
I’ve found that when I have to have hard conversations with family members, friends, or associates, they listen better if I first affirm my love for them, and then “hold up a mirror” to say, “This is what I’m seeing in your life right now.” And I describe the specific attitude and actions, with the time, date, and place of what I’ve seen—it’s not appropriate to be vague. And then listen. Sometimes I’ve misread the situation, and I need to apologize, but often, I need to listen as the person wrestles with the reality of pain that prompted inappropriate behavior.

Daniel Goleman, psychologist and author of the bestselling Emotional Intelligence, wrote, “What counts in making a happy relationship is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.”

God, give me wisdom and courage to know when to extend grace and when to lovingly confront and restore others in my life. Make me humble to accept confrontation, as well, from people who I know care about me. Thank you for using friendships to shape and change me…