By Dr. Tim Clinton & Patrick Springle
We all carry relational wounds. So we go through life with a skewed definition of love. Our actions are often a far cry from true love. The truth is, we may be trying to “love” the other in an attempt to satisfy our “need” for the other.
By Tim Clinton, Ed.D. and Max Davis
You look at it a lot, but do you see things clearly? Check out the mirror on your car’s passenger side. Do you notice anything? There’s a little message across the bottom that reads, “Objects in mirror are closer than they appear”. That’s because the mirror is slightly bent to give a wider field of vision. But the images are distorted. Things seem farther away than they actually are. Not realizing this could be dangerous. Even disastrous. You must pay close attention when looking into this kind of mirror.
By Dr. Tim Clinton
'The Antidote to Trauma is Relationship': Parents Should Talk to Their Kids About the Shooting, Expert Says
A husband and wife were driving down a country road. In the midst of a heated disagreement, everything went totally quiet. As they crested the top of a hill, there was a pasture filled with cows, goats and pigs. The husband looked over at his wife and sarcastically remarked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep" she replied… "In-laws." (smile)
It is important for men to recognize God's calling on their lives and to have great expectations of what He will do. However, it is equally important to recognize that none of us can do anything worth doing without Him. When we attempt to accomplish God's work, or even live the Christian life, apart from an authentic relationship with Him, we get burned out, frustrated, and fail.
I heard a few prayers in my life that seemed to go on forever. You? Ugh. But others, every word seemed so right. Time stood still. They were payers that lingered after the last Amen. You could feel them. You could hear them over and over again. More than words, they were God-breathed. That’s the key to powerful prayer.
Dieting. Reading the Bible. Spending time with family. Finally getting to that “bucket list”. It’s that time of year when “change is in the air”. Most of us don’t have trouble making New Year’s Resolutions. It’s the “keeping them” part that gets us. In fact, 40 to 45 percent of people do make a New Year’s Resolution, and while it is true that 97% of resolutions are never fulfilled, 75% do make it past the first week, and 46% make it past the six month mark.
The front half of the “everything” is easy. Thankful for the birth of a child. For great health. Family. A good job. The backside of the “everything” is more difficult. The death of a loved one. Cancer. Divorce. A job lost. The empty chair at the head of the table from which dad said the Thanksgiving prayer just last year. It’s hard to get our hearts and emotions around thanking God for the dark days, for pain, or overwhelming loss.
A chicken “ain’t no” eagle. Chickens are always looking down, cackling, while pecking around on the ground eating whatever they can find. It always amazed me that chickens can cackle and stuff their beaks at the same time! When they’re out of chicken feed, they move on to dirt and bugs. They’ll even eat their own—well you get the picture.
God is not wasting the pain in your life. He never wastes a wound. As you go through the dark, deep valleys in your life, remember that the great Apostle Paul was even pounded by the evil one. All hell seemed to be against him. In his moment of darkness, he begs God to get rid of this thorn in his flesh, this messenger of Satan that was harassing him. (II Corinthians 12:8)
Apollo 15 Astronaut James Irwin had an encounter of the God kind . . . on the Moon. That’s right, on the Moon. Standing on the surface of the “blue planet”, as he called it, gazing at the spectacular beauty of the Earth some 238,000 miles away, Irwin experienced the nearness of Jesus Christ in a profound way, unlike anything he’d ever felt before on Earth. Jesus’ presence was so tangible, Irwin said, “[that] at one point I turned around and looked over my shoulder as if He was standing there.” Then, right there on the Moon, Jesus spoke to Irwin and gave him a new assignment.
One minute we experience a victorious spiritual breakthrough and are on top of the world. The next minute the raw realities of life assault the very core of our faith. As if that isn’t enough the enemy loves to then whisper in our ears… “What a loser”… “You really can’t do anything right can you?”… “God isn’t listening”… “You will never be used”… “You’d better run for your life”… “God isn’t really there for you”… And too often we believe him.
It’s been said, “Practice makes perfect”. That is not necessarily true. Practice makes permanent. Do it over and over again incorrectly, and you have simply developed a bad habit. It takes a lot of sacrifice – blood, sweat and guts–to achieve excellence – to separate yourself.
When my son Zach was small, he loved for me to hold his hand. Often it would simply be out of the sheer joy of having his dad close to him. He would wrap his little chubby hand around my finger, and away we would go. Other times, when I sensed that I needed to hold on to him, I would wrap my hand all the way around his hand and wrist, and squeeze tight. Love…joy…security…safety – all wrapped up in his hand in mine.
I can almost hear someone saying, “But I didn’t do anything wrong to warrant the situation I’m in.” Please understand that your current circumstance could be because of what you’ve done right! You desire to know God on a deeper level. You’ve prayed for Him to increase your effectiveness. Maybe He’s answering your request. Read what Psalm 105 says about Joseph’s life: “He [God] called down famine on the land and destroyed all their supplies of food; and he sent a man before them—Joseph, sold as a slave.
The note was strategically placed on the table next to my keys where I would find it on the way out of the door. “Dad” was written on the folded piece of paper in flowing cursive hand writing. Before I even picked it up a spontaneous smile appeared on my face. My daughter, Megan, has had a knack since she was little, for leaving these little love notes at exactly the right time.
Let me add, be an encourager. It has been said that everyone is either in the midst of the battle, just coming out of a battle, or about to enter the battle. At first glance, this is often not visible. A smile often masks deep feelings. The writer of the Proverbs put it this way, “Even in laughter the heart may be in pain, and the end of joy may be grief.” (Proverbs 14:13 NASV)
Get this picture. An Angel of the Lord appears before Gideon and announces, “The Lord is with you, you mighty man of valor!” (Judges 6:12). But wait! A man of valor? Really? Gideon was threshing wheat down in a winepress. At first glance no big deal, but threshing wheat in a winepress was strange indeed. Wheat and tares (weeds) grew up together and had to be separated.
In some cases, painful pasts are consequences of our own bad choices. Self-inflicted wounds. Often however, the heartache from the past has been caused by others. Betrayal. Unfaithfulness. Deceit. Broken trust. Slander. Needle-pointed thorns that have lodged in our hearts and festered into ugly infected wounds.
By By Tim Clinton, Ed.D. and Max Davis
Humility is a subject that great thinkers of the world take seriously. John Buchan, British diplomat and author, declared, “Without humility there can be no humanity.” Solomon said, “A man’s pride will bring him low, But the humble in spirit will retain honor” (Proverbs 29:23) and “When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom” (Proverbs 11:2). Pride brings shame; humility wisdom. Jesus put it this way, “whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted” (Matthew 23:12). Sounds to me like humility is a pretty serious subject. But what is authentic humility?
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Dr. Tim Clinton is the Executive Director of the James Dobson Family Institute and recurring co-host of "Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk." Dr. Clinton and Dr. James Dobson have a shared commitment to the preservation of the family and have been colleagues and friends for over 25 years. He is licensed as a Professional Counselor and as a Marriage and Family Therapist. Dr. Clinton is recognized as a world leader in mental health and relationship issues and spends much of his time working with Christian leaders and professional athletes. He has authored and edited nearly 30 books, including The Struggle is Real: How to Care for Mental and Relational Health Needs in the Church. He is also President of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), the largest and most diverse Christian counseling association in the world. Dr. Clinton served at Liberty University for over 30 years in numerous academic roles, including Professor of Counseling and Executive Director of the James C. Dobson Center for Child Development, Marriage and Family Studies. He currently serves on the leadership committee for the President's National Prayer Breakfast. He has been married 38 years to his wife, Julie, and together they have two children, Megan (who is married to Ben Allison) and Zach. In his free time, you’ll find him outdoors or at a game with his family and friends.
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