This quote above saddens me. Our society seems to have become a sort of manufacturing company. If you are doing your part and keeping up with the assembly line, people like you and you fit in. If you decide to work a lot of overtime and not use your vacation or sick days, your boss may even promote you and praise you for all you do. But if you can’t keep up or simply choose not to, you’re expendable. Fitting seems to be all about usefulness.
Many have fallen into this performance trap, believing the more we do, the more we matter. Our self-worth is determined by how many things we get done each day. When we don’t get things accomplished, we feel like failures. And we all know failures are expendable.
But God sees you and me differently. As Joanna Weaver writes, “The kingdom of God, you see, is a paradox. While the world applauds achievement, God desires companionship. The world clamors, ‘Do more! Be all that you can be!’ But our Father whispers, ‘Be still and know that I am God.’”1
During a visit with Mary and Martha, Jesus noticed that Mary chose to sit and be with Him while Martha busily bustled about in the kitchen, missing time with the One who came to visit. Consumed with preparations, and frustrated that her sister sat while she worked, Martha finally snapped and asked Jesus, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" Jesus replied, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her" (Luke 10:38-42).
Martha prioritized what she had to get done; Mary prioritized her relationship with Jesus, who taught us a lesson that still applies today: Don’t let busyness interfere with relationships. Choose people over things.
I know this is not always easy. I struggle with this imbalance daily because I know that if I only focus on people, my work will never get done. But if I focus solely on tasks, I do so at the expense of relationships. So, what’s a woman to do?
When life gets overwhelming and out of balance, we need to be still and know that He is God. In the stillness, ask yourself this question: What’s the best use of my time today?
Sometimes the best use of my time is running errands, doing laundry, or dusting. Sometimes it’s making calls, writing letters, or visiting with friends or family. Sometimes it’s closing my office door and focusing on business. The answer differs, depending on the day or week or current circumstances.
But relationships matter everywhere—at work, home, school, the daycare center, grocery store, and anywhere else you go. Ask the question frequently and in every context: What is the best use of my time today?
In his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey writes, “Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival—to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated.”2
When we recognize that life is more than just our to-do list and we start paying careful attention to the needs of those in our life—to be understood, affirmed, validated, and appreciated—we invite balance into our lives. When relationships are troubled, we become imbalanced, overwhelmed, ineffective, and preoccupied. Ironically, when you place people before things, relationships are healthier, and we’re more effective in what we do. Though the two seem mutually exclusive, they are closely intertwined.
Fitting in didn’t matter as much to the saints referred to in Hebrews 11 as it does to us. “They admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth” (Hebrews 11:13) because they saw something beyond the limits of their earthly vision.
Growing up as a Christian, I’ve heard the “being vs. doing” sermon preached time and time again. But when I read an excerpt from Don Piper’s book, 90 Minutes in Heaven, I caught a glimpse of what those saints actually saw. That foretaste has given me a new understanding of how to really live the balance between being and doing, and it has become a part of the way I think every day. I now have a clearer understanding of what really matters.
The book is a biographical account of the car accident that took Don’s life—for 90 minutes—and his incredible journey from earth to heaven and back. The details of the experience he had in heaven solemnly reminded me that I really don’t belong here in this world. This is not my home.
As Don entered heaven, a crowd of people he knew and recognized welcomed him.I gazed at all the faces again as I realized that they all had contributed to my becoming a Christian or had encouraged me in my growth as a believer. Each one had affected me positively. Each had spiritually impacted me in some way and helped make me a better disciple. I knew—again one of those things I knew without being aware of how I absorbed that information—that because of their influence I was able to be present with them in heaven.3
This chilled me. I had to do a gut check. How often do we get so caught up with the task at hand that we miss the opportunity to disciple or minister to somebody who literally knocks on our door and needs our help? If Don’s account is even the slightest bit true, heavenly influence could be knocking at our door and we don’t even realize it. Are people a priority in your life?
Let me rephrase that in a way that makes you think even more about that question: Are you willing to drop anything you’re doing at any moment for the chance to minister to the heart of the person standing next to you?