By Dr. James Dobson
Listed below are the aspects of anger which are most important to remember:
I ask you parents: What will be your legacy on behalf of those you love? Will you help them build a foundation of faith that will sustain them through the trials of life and take them into the better world beyond? Will they be there to greet you and the rest of your family and Christian friends on the other side? That is my prayer for you.
What imaginary fears are you supporting with contrived evidence? What role do rampant emotions play in your life? It is likely that what you feel, right or wrong, is a pervasive force in determining your behavior day by day. Emotional experience in the western world has become the primary motivation of values and actions and even spiritual beliefs. Furthermore, (and this is the point), we are living in a day when people are being encouraged to release their emotions, to grant them even greater power in ruling their destinies. We are told...
So, let me ask you directly: Have you decided what assets you will leave to those you love? Is it money, or fame, or property, or gold, or diamonds, or a yacht, or priceless works of art, or stocks and bonds, or investments, or other aspects of wealth? Have you worked feverishly for decades to provide for those who haven’t earned what you’ll give them? Do you want to remove all the challenges and lessons that would otherwise help them to succeed? What will be the net effect of your financial gifts in years to come?
I have a great deal of resentment and anger toward my father, for what he did to me and my mother when I was a child. I have struggled with these deep feelings for years; I don’t want to hurt him, but I can’t forget the pain he caused me and the rest of our family. How can I come to terms with this problem?
The culture is at war with parents for the hearts and minds of their children. I don’t need to describe this battle because you see it, too. Parents in decades past would not have believed what was about to happen to the institution of the family. I am not sure many of us understand it, either.
What, then, according to our seasoned panel of experts, is the single most important key to enjoying a successful marriage—the one thing most likely to guarantee a lifetime of intimacy and love?
Here’s another idea relevant to relationships that I think makes a lot of sense. It’s called “the first five minutes” and is based on a book that was published many years ago. Its thesis was that the first five minutes occurring between people sets the tone for everything that is to follow. For example, a public speaker is given very few moments to convince his audience that he really does have something worthwhile to say. If he’s boring or stilted in the beginning, his listeners will turn him off like a lightbulb and he’ll never know why.
It took me a while to get my own priorities straightened out. Indeed, I almost made the greatest mistake of my life in the early days of adulthood. When I completed my work in graduate school, my life was suddenly filled to the brim with exciting activities. I was only thirty years old and opportunities began coming at me faster than I...
What will be your legacy on behalf of those you love? Will you help them build a foundation of faith that will sustain them through the trials of life and take them into the better world beyond? Will they be there to greet you and the rest of your family and Christian friends on the other side? That is my prayer for you.
We consider the burgeoning crisis that confronts our boys in today’s cultural context. Working against them are the breakup of families, the absence or disengagement of dads, the consequent wounding of spirits, and the postmodern culture that is twisting and warping so many of our children. If there is a common theme that connects each of these sources of difficulty it is the frantic pace of living that has left too little time or energy for the children who look to us for the fulfillment of every need, leading to the increasing isolation and detachment it produces.
As a father, you are going to confront contests of wills with your daughter many times. In those moments where your authority as a parent is challenged, it is extremely important for you to “win.” Why? Because a child who behaves in ways that are disrespectful or harmful to herself or others often has a hidden motive. Whether she recognizes it or not, she is usually seeking to...
Being a father and a Type A personality myself, I look back on my parenting experiences and recall instances where I could have done a better job. I wish I could relive some of those busy days at a slower pace. Unfortunately, none of us is allowed do-overs or mulligans. When our record is finally in the books, not a word or a deed can be altered.
Your task is to build a man out of the raw materials available in your delightful little boy, stone upon stone upon stone. This task must be your highest priority for a period of time. It will not always be required of you. Before you know it, that child at your feet will become a young man who will pack his bags and take his first halting steps into the adult world.
As you seek to understand your daughter, another major factor you must not overlook is that there is 15 percent more blood flowing in the female brain than in that of a male, and it is more likely to surge to both hemispheres. When you talk to a girl, she is concentrating on what you say with both sides of her brain, whereas a boy is listening with predominately one side. This is why females typically like to process ideas before deciding or acting on them. It is also why women often agonize over routine decisions.
Question: What advice would you give to a woman whose husband just won't respond to her emotionally? That's my situation. Darrell is a good man, but he's not romantic, and he'd rather keep his thoughts to himself. How can I deal with the longing inside me?
Noted counselor and author Norman Wright is perhaps the guru of premarital counseling, having written and spoken extensively on this subject. He discussed his views during an interview on my radio broadcast some years ago and made several significant observations.
Question: I've often heard that God will not abandon us when we go through the fiery trial. But I don't know what that really means. He still lets us go through some hard times. What can we expect from Him in the stressful moments?
Where do children learn to think highly of their mothers? Who sets the pattern for their young minds, positioning Mom as a much-loved and respected member of the family—instead of being chief cook and scrub lady?
Question: What answer do you have for those who say being a mother of small children and a homemaker is boring?
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Connect With Dr. James Dobson
Dr. James Dobson is the Founder and President of Family Talk, a nonprofit organization that produces his radio program, “Dr. James Dobson's Family Talk.” He is the author of more than 30 books dedicated to the preservation of the family, including The New Dare to Discipline; Love for a Lifetime; Life on the Edge; Love Must Be Tough; The New Strong-Willed Child; When God Doesn’t Make Sense; Bringing Up Boys; Marriage Under Fire; Bringing Up Girls; and, most recently, Head Over Heels.
Dr. Dobson served as an associate clinical professor of pediatrics at the University of Southern California School of Medicine for 14 years and on the attending staff of Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles for 17 years. He has been active in governmental affairs and has advised three U.S. presidents on family matters. He earned his Ph.D. from the University of Southern California (1967) in the field of child development. He holds 17 honorary doctoral degrees, and was inducted in 2008 into The National Radio Hall of Fame. Dr. Dobson recently received the “Great American Award” from The Awakening.
Dr. Dobson is married to Shirley and they have two grown children, Danae and Ryan, and two grandchildren. The Dobsons reside in Colorado Springs, Colorado.
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