By Dr. James Dobson
Raising healthy, well-educated, self-disciplined children who love God and their fellow human beings is, I believe, the most challenging responsibility in living. Not even rocket science can approach it for complexity and unpredictability. And of course, the job is even more difficult today when the culture undermines and contradicts everything Christian parents are trying to accomplish at home. Fortunately, we are not asked to do everything perfectly as moms and dads. Our kids usually manage to survive our mistakes and failures and turn out better than we have any right to boast about.
Question: I would like to hear your views about disciplining a teenager, especially since you say spanking him is neither wise nor productive. Answer: Your only tool of discipline is to manipulate your teenager's environmental circumstances in moments of confrontation. You have the keys to the family automobile and can...
Question: Can you give me some more specific advice about how to tell if my son is at risk for suicide? Answer: The Family Research Council provided the following checklist that may be helpful to you. Ask yourself these questions:
I am nineteen years old, and I'm proud to say that I'm still a virgin. I plan to stay that way until I get married, even though it is difficult to control what I feel. Do you have any suggestions that will help people like me to be moral in a very immoral world? I mean, almost everyone I know is sleeping with somebody, and I don't want to do that. Still, I need help to do what is right. What do you suggest?
What are we to believe when we discover "life as it is" turns out to be very different than "life as it is supposed to be"? We often stumble toward one of several conclusions, all of which are potentially damaging to our faith: (1) God is dead, irrelevant, bored, or uninvolved in the affairs of man; (2) God is angry at me for some sin I've committed; (3) God is whimsical, untrustworthy, unfair or sinister; or (4) God ignored me because I didn't pray enough or display enough faith.
It is so important to understand that God's value system is entirely different from our own--and His is correct. In human eyes, death is viewed as the ultimate defeat--the final tragedy. As such, it hangs over our heads from early childhood like the sword of Damocles.
Several years ago, there was a Broadway theatrical performance called, "Your Arm's Too Short to Box with God." I didn't see it, but I agree with the premise behind the title. The human intellectual apparatus is pitifully ill-equipped to argue with the Creator. New Age followers don't agree. They say each of us can become gods in our own right by zoning in on a crystal and sitting cross-legged until our toes go to sleep. How presumptuous!
I have no doubt that miracles still occur every day, although, as indicated earlier, I'm suspicious of people who attempt to market them on demand. I have been privileged to witness some incredible evidences of God's power in my life and in the experience of those with whom I am close. One of the most miraculous events happened to my friend...
By what means can I test my feelings and impressions? What are the steps necessary to prove the will of God?
I recall today that tragic time in 1987 when my four friends were killed in a private plane crash. We had been together the night before, and I had prayed for their safety on the journey home (see photo following page 134). They took off early the next morning on their way to Dallas, but never made it. I can never forget that telephone call indicating the wreckage had been found in a remote canyon--but there were no survivors! I loved those men like brothers, and I was staggered by the loss.
How much self-control and Christian responsibility can we expect of a child? For example, my five-year-old daughter has a rather passive personality, and she is constantly being hit, kicked and pinched by other children in the neighborhood. I have taught her not to fight back, showing her the words of Jesus in the Bible. Still, it hurts me to see her beaten--sometimes by children much smaller than she is.
Listed below are the aspects of anger which are most important to remember:
I ask you parents: What will be your legacy on behalf of those you love? Will you help them build a foundation of faith that will sustain them through the trials of life and take them into the better world beyond? Will they be there to greet you and the rest of your family and Christian friends on the other side? That is my prayer for you.
What imaginary fears are you supporting with contrived evidence? What role do rampant emotions play in your life? It is likely that what you feel, right or wrong, is a pervasive force in determining your behavior day by day. Emotional experience in the western world has become the primary motivation of values and actions and even spiritual beliefs. Furthermore, (and this is the point), we are living in a day when people are being encouraged to release their emotions, to grant them even greater power in ruling their destinies. We are told...
So, let me ask you directly: Have you decided what assets you will leave to those you love? Is it money, or fame, or property, or gold, or diamonds, or a yacht, or priceless works of art, or stocks and bonds, or investments, or other aspects of wealth? Have you worked feverishly for decades to provide for those who haven’t earned what you’ll give them? Do you want to remove all the challenges and lessons that would otherwise help them to succeed? What will be the net effect of your financial gifts in years to come?
I have a great deal of resentment and anger toward my father, for what he did to me and my mother when I was a child. I have struggled with these deep feelings for years; I don’t want to hurt him, but I can’t forget the pain he caused me and the rest of our family. How can I come to terms with this problem?
The culture is at war with parents for the hearts and minds of their children. I don’t need to describe this battle because you see it, too. Parents in decades past would not have believed what was about to happen to the institution of the family. I am not sure many of us understand it, either.
What, then, according to our seasoned panel of experts, is the single most important key to enjoying a successful marriage—the one thing most likely to guarantee a lifetime of intimacy and love?
Here’s another idea relevant to relationships that I think makes a lot of sense. It’s called “the first five minutes” and is based on a book that was published many years ago. Its thesis was that the first five minutes occurring between people sets the tone for everything that is to follow. For example, a public speaker is given very few moments to convince his audience that he really does have something worthwhile to say. If he’s boring or stilted in the beginning, his listeners will turn him off like a lightbulb and he’ll never know why.
It took me a while to get my own priorities straightened out. Indeed, I almost made the greatest mistake of my life in the early days of adulthood. When I completed my work in graduate school, my life was suddenly filled to the brim with exciting activities. I was only thirty years old and opportunities began coming at me faster than I...
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Connect With Dr. James Dobson
Dr. James Dobson is the Founder and President of Family Talk, a nonprofit organization that produces his radio program, “Dr. James Dobson's Family Talk.” He is the author of more than 30 books dedicated to the preservation of the family, including The New Dare to Discipline; Love for a Lifetime; Life on the Edge; Love Must Be Tough; The New Strong-Willed Child; When God Doesn’t Make Sense; Bringing Up Boys; Marriage Under Fire; Bringing Up Girls; and, most recently, Head Over Heels.
Dr. Dobson served as an associate clinical professor of pediatrics at the University of Southern California School of Medicine for 14 years and on the attending staff of Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles for 17 years. He has been active in governmental affairs and has advised three U.S. presidents on family matters. He earned his Ph.D. from the University of Southern California (1967) in the field of child development. He holds 17 honorary doctoral degrees, and was inducted in 2008 into The National Radio Hall of Fame. Dr. Dobson recently received the “Great American Award” from The Awakening.
Dr. Dobson is married to Shirley and they have two grown children, Danae and Ryan, and two grandchildren. The Dobsons reside in Colorado Springs, Colorado.
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